The beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

I have always been fond of winters and eagerly wait for it every year. Along with the festivities of Deepawali, Dussehra, Chhath, Christmas and New Year, winters have always given me many cherished memories and this winter was no different. To add to the usual festive nights, I saw many of my friends and relatives getting married. Attuned to the flavor of the season, I thought of writing something on relationships and marriages, the way i see it, before taking the leap of faith myself.

I couldn't help but travel back in time, to see for myself how most of the school and college days love stories were shaping up. I was very happy to see most of the fairy tale stories culminating into its logical end - marriage but many others withered away with time. Some for good as there seemed a mismatch from the first day itself, few others coz the girl fell for some smarter/wealthier boy or, the boy fell for a more beautiful or accommodating girl. The evil that men do lives after them; the good is often forgotten. What made them do, so called evil things?

We have many differences and arguments with our family members but do not split up or have break ups that easily. Why?? We never had any choice when it came to selecting our family members but still accepted them and shared a wonderful bond, taking the lows in our stride. But driven by our comfort and conveniences, lured by worldly temptations, when it comes to selecting our friends and life partners, we first exercise the choice of selecting them and then discarding them as well. We were never forced to come close to someone, yet we did.. out of our own free will. Which means we ought to show more restraint and take greater care coz the way we handle them, reflects who we are. "You got a dream, you got to protect it.." On many occasions, friends are an integral part of such dreams. However, freedom tends to make it very difficult to adjust or even think properly before doing something which may permanently leave a blot in someone's life. One selfish act washes away years of attachment, fond memories, leaving the other person blood thirsty. Then what was the relationship about all these years? Sophistry, a friend to kill some time and give company? Convenient way out for the aggrieved person - finding a new friend, unloading the truckloads of garbage about the other person, getting it acknowledged and moving on. What next, "Oh, i don't care about friends any more.. there is nobody i can trust.. i will not be an emotional fool anymore and will think about myself only.. been there, seen it all". The pendulum keeps rolling, some end up putting another person in the same agony that they had felt the first time and derive some sadist pleasure thinking, life has levelled out everything now. Charade? 

The question is, do we try to understand from the other person, what went wrong and search for answers and do everything possible to work our way back or, maybe even ignore their mistakes once? Would we have done the same and parted ways in a similar fashion, if we faced a similar situation with our siblings or parents? Most if not all answers would be a resounding No. Lets say, even after a lot of soul searching, nothing could return the same old relationship, then would we be more careful, not to put anybody else into a similar agony or, derive sadist pleasure by doing the same to the others? 

Another perspective that my friends gave me, "We were still trying to understand each other and in the process realized we were not compatible".. Hmm.. So how do we judge whether we are compatible or not? The whole world is undergoing a rapid change and what seems a generation gap is actually a decade's gap or may be even less.The biggest truth of life is that everything keeps changing. Our ability to adjust and change all these years have made us the person we are today. So is it so difficult to make ourselves compatible with one person?

The other question is of Time. For how long should we carry the compatibility meter along and keep noting the readings. 1 month/1 year/5 years or even more!! We see business partnership and marriages coming to end after more than 10 years.. Compatibility issue??

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." - The great Abraham Lincoln said. If i can take the luxury of replacing power with freedom, it gives me many answers. We have to be careful in selecting our friends/partners but once committed we have to be even more careful to ensure we stay committed and respect ourselves by respecting our decisions. The beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

Wishing everyone lots of best wishes and a big thanks to all my beloved friends and family members who have stood by me all these years. 

Cheers!! :)

Maya..

Maya.. i don't know why but i fell in love with this word, the very first time i came across it.. The more i look around, deeper the roots appear. Maya was initially associated with wisdom, power, knowledge.. however now it is used with reference to illusion, magic, deception etc.. Everything around seems like an exaggerated illusion or magic. 

What guides our Actions? we do what we want to do in life or, we do what is expected by our parents/family members/society. It is not necessary that there will always be a contradiction between the two options available but since we are part of a generation that is in transition, where the previous generation's norms and beliefs have given way to some completely new norms, the contradiction on most occasions are glaring. Which means, we either end up convincing ourselves that by doing what is expected of us, we will also be happy or, we convince others of our actions. Is it the right thing to do??

Love - Pure, Honest, Selfless.. We end up getting disappointed and sad when somebody we love ends up doing something contrary to our expectations. Friends, girlfriends, family members not being sensitive to us, mostly as simple as a mere disagreement over a point or some misinterpretation makes us angry or sad. Reason?? Utopian principle of loving someone would mean being selfless and accepting the other person's views willingly. Alas, it doesn't happen that way. People say expectations are the biggest cause of sorrow but can love exist without expectations??

Success - Success would mean different things at different phases of life. Doing well in studies or sports or, doing well in our professional career or, by being with your friends or family in the hours of need or, working for the society and bringing a smile on somebody's face etc... Who is a truly successful person? one who has successfully fulfilled all the above?? Or somebody who did not do anything correct in other's view and after say 30 years strikes fortune and transforms in to an ideal person. Who decides the which mistakes can be forgiven and which not?  

There are many other things that would raise similar feelings. The importance of finding the middle path is something none of us can run away from. To disagree in an agreeable manner, to love with least expectations, and to strive to do everything good around would maybe give a lot of happiness, satisfaction and peace if we convince ourselves.. This leaves me wondering isn't it all about convincing or manipulating minds to accept what may or may not be true.. or happiness is only a state of mind where we convince ourselves that what we have done is good and maybe get it acknowledged by people around us.. if this is how we are happy, i have to say "Sab Maya Hai".. :))